I’m writing this with a 5 month old and I can hardly believe it. 5 months of motherhood has passed by quicker than I could have imagined, and yet I still can hardly remember a time without our sweet Parker Elle (what the hell did we do with our time before?! But seriously. What. Did. We. Do.)

Looking back at the 3 months that went by in a whirl I wish I could do them all over again as hard as they were. Between bringing home a baby to my parent’s house and not my own, to visiting a renovation site, dealing with finding a new car (remember our’s got stolen on the day of her birth), and figuring out what it means to be a mom – it was a crazy but beautiful time. Some things went as planned, most things didn’t and if I had it to do over again I’d do some things differently. So here I am to share the story of it so some new mommy’s or gals hoping to be mom’s some day might benefit from it.

MONTH 1

WHAT. A. WHIRLWIND.

It’s  more than overwhelming in the first week of having a baby, and I mean that in a good and bad way. It’s overwhelming in a good way that you instantly fall so immensely in love with this new little person and this love is so strong at times (and so are your hormones) that it will bring you to tears most of the day. Life changes instantly and you will never be the same as you were before and not just for the obvious reasons of like, you having a baby. Its an internal change and honestly, it’s magical. It’s overwhelming in the bad way that 1) your sleep deprived 2) even reading the things it’s still scary to take care of a little baby 3) you have to take care of a very needy baby while recovering from one of the most physically traumatic experiences of your life 4) Breastfeeding (I’ll go into that in a whole other post bc it’s necessary). You want to do things so right but no matter what you do, the baby will most likely cry, and at some point the crying  will make you feel like a failure.

But you’re not, you’re just hormonal and sleep deprived and doing the absolute best you can at a job you have no experience in.

SCHEDULE & FEEDINGS

When I told people I was going to try and have a schedule for my baby right away, I pretty much got laughed at constantly. Newborns, on a schedule?! Ha – just wait mama and you’ll see.

It’s certainly true that the first couple of weeks time isn’t even a thing, it’s just a constant cycle of feed, change, swaddle, day and night and before you know it a few days have passed and you probably need a shower. But what’s also true is mama still needs to sleep, and baby still needs to get some idea of how the world works.

I started to try a schedule after the first two weeks using the schedule recommended in Moms On Call (highly recommend this book before baby comes – I still reference it). It basically follows a three hour sleep, feed, play schedule that I found to be really manageable and help with getting myself into a flow of how often to feed baby and how often she most likely needed to sleep. It basically looked like this:

2-4 WEEKS

7AM: Feed and back to sleep (I was breastfeeding during this time so didn’t know exactly how much she was getting but timed for about 30 minutes, it says should be around 3-4 ounces. I’ll do a bigger post on breastfeeding later.)

9AM: Feed and awake

9:30AM: Playtime for about 10-30 minutes watching for sleepy cues (red eyes (or in P’s case eyebrows), yawning , staring)

10AM (or before): Nap for as close to two hours as possible (if baby wakes before give it a few minutes to see if they go asleep or try to sooth for a few minutes back to sleep before giving up)

Repeat,  feeding every 3 hours for around 30 minutes until….

6:45PM-7PM: Cat nap for an hour to an hour an a half

8:30PM: Begin bath routine

9PM: Bedtime feeding

9:30PM: Bedtime

From there I would keep feeding around every three hours or on demand through the night, which usually was around every three hours for baby like clockwork. I didn’t want to push how long she was sleeping to make sure she was getting enough, and I didn’t want to feed more often bc I desperately wanted what I call my night naps. I’d feed her on one side, burp her, then change her diaper in between feeding so she could feed on the other side, burp her and cuddle/soothe her back to sleep. I found changing in the middle of the feeding ensured she stayed awake for the second side and also didn’t disrupt her after the second side so she was more prepared to go back down to sleep.

Obviously every day it didn’t work like clockwork but having a routine for baby started to get her to understand patterns and create consistency which is really good for them and also taught me how often she should be eating and for how long, and also the appropriate wake windows for a baby that age. It’s also important to help them understand days and nights and sleep rhythms with that as well. Some naps lasted half an hour, some naps were two hours, sometimes she went into the bassinet easy and put herself to sleep with the help of her swaddle, binky, and white noise, other times she would only fall asleep on mama. Even though it can be trying when you want to put her in the bassinet for a nap and she wouldn’t do it, there is a delicate balance in this phase and just know sometimes you will get the nap to do your own thing and sometimes you won’t and in the end it will all be ok (you won’t start creating crutches by holding them).

Baby slept swaddled and on her back with nothing around her (no blankets etc) for all naps and bedtime and I kept her in the swaddle through the night unless she wouldn’t wake up enough to properly eat. She slept in the halo bassinet next to our bed for nighttime and some naps, and we also used the mamaroo ALOT during this phase as well as the dockatot (with an extra cover to switch them out during spit ups, etc) to let her sleep around the house or even for awake times.

For me the first four weeks seemed pretty tough because the bath time and bedtime were so late and that made it harder to make/have dinner and for other obvious reasons (like you’re getting used to having a baby, recovering, not sleeping, etc). It definitely got easier as the bedtimes moved up and I had a little more time at night once baby was down for bedtime.

MILESTONES

Baby’s first…. everything!

• Baby’s first bath:  we did washcloth bathes until her cord fell out and then used the Angelcare bath which we still use today and I love it (even though it scares the crap out of my mom since the beginning). We used Tubby Todd baby wash which I love and is non-toxic and gentle for baby. To be honest, she HATED the bath the first month and nearly cried/looked scared which made me so sad because I thought it was such a sweet routine. I learned later that a warm washcloth on their belly while you bathe them helps.
• Baby’s First Smiles: the sweetest things in the world. Not prompted by anything I could do and sometimes during sleep but still so sweet.
• Baby’s First Bottle: I avoided bottle feeding for the first two weeks or so bc I was afraid of the nipple confusion and wanted to exclusively breastfeed but eventually gave a bottle when I was afraid she wasn’t getting enough a few times bc of her crying (she was definitely getting enough). It also gave the opportunity for my husband or someone else to feed her so I could shower or sleep which was nice and needed. I’ll go into this in more detail again in the breastfeeding post. We used these munchkin bottles and the 1 nipple (it comes with 1 and 2 which is the size and the flow of milk) bc it was a slower safer flow of milk for the little babe.
• Tummy time/Activities: we did minimal tummy time to be honest because the wake windows were so short and it would be after we fed so I didn’t want her spitting up. I mostly just talked with her and occasionally laid her down on her activity mat.

SPEED BUMPS

• Swaddling: We read all the books and watched all the videos about swaddling and still struggled so much with it. IT AINT EASY FOLKS. I had about a milli swaddles and swaddled successfully a few times and then finally bought this and it changed my life and made things so much easier I’m mad I didn’t know about it sooner (buy two bc shit happens, literally). And I REALLY believe in swaddling for baby to sleep well and to cue sleep for them. You have to do it tight for it to be effective and when you get it right you’ll understand the hype.
• Grunting/Digestion: We had some major issues with Peanut having trouble pooping (yep I’m going there) and grunting all throughout the night bc she was unsuccessfully working on it. It kept her from being able to sleep well at night and was just pitiful. She was just too little and new at life to figure out how it worked well and it’s apparently very common (and awful, poor babies). To help with this we ended up using a probiotic Gerber Soothe (just put it on one side before a feeding per the instructions) recommended by the doctor and it helped, and we also used the Windi’s quite often and they were LIFESAVERS to help with gas and other shit (again literal). This eventually went away as she got older and her system matured (which is basically how you deal with it) but those things helped us through it.
• Putting Baby to Sleep/Soothing: sometimes baby fell asleep on her own at the times she was supposed to, and other times she didn’t. When she didn’t and it was time for a nap, or she was fussy/upset we used Harvey Karp’s 5 S’s and they worked SO WELL and made us feel in control in alot of scenarios where we could have felt pretty helpless. HIGHLY recommend checking those out.

FAV ITEMS FOR BABY

• Swaddle
• Docktatot
• Mamaroo
• Alexa dot for white noise (we now use the Hatch Rest and recommend that one more) – white noise isn’t just great to soothe baby (it’s seriously magical how it changes baby’s mood) and help them sleep, it also helps so that you can keep living your life and not whispering and tip toeing around your house.
• Frida Windi
• Rohm Portable Sound Machine (didn’t have this until later but wish I had since day 1 for car rides and strolling)
• Angelcare Bath
• Baby Sling (this was awesome to allow myself to do things while still snuggling baby close like they like to be)
• Munchkin Diaper Bag (one of these in each of our diaper bags and came in clutch when we had blow outs while out and about)

 

BEST TIPS

• Baby’s learning alot about the world in this phase and its all so new and hard for them so remember that and be patient with the baby and yourself.
• Don’t be frustrated with your pain and healing, it takes TIME.
• Baby is going to cry, and most of the time it’s still ok but it will break you down at some point (um sleep deprivation and hormones are tough). It’s ok to walk away, cry, gather yourself, take a few breaths and keep at it mama, you are doing great!
• Sleep is the most precious commodity and yet the most distant friend at this time so getting as much as you can is important. I think I was so insistent on proving to myself that my life wasn’t over and trying to “get things done” during naps that I made myself even more tired by not napping when she did or getting frustrated when she needed to nap in my arms all day (which is ridiculous in hindsight). The first month in particular is a month for you to just connect with that baby, heal, sleep and focus all on that. Other things CAN wait, and they should because you won’t get this time back and it’s so hard you’ll need to just focus on it.
• Take the help. People will most likely offer help, and if you trust them with the baby, let them. Take a nap, a shower, eat, whatever you need to do. Don’t be prideful during this time, take help, take naps, take care of yourself.
• Life will get normal(ish) again. Don’t lose hope – these phases you will go through (and there will be more to come) absolutely do not last forever. You’ll find your time again and yourself (something I’ll talk about more in another post as well).
• Getting baby to sleep when you want or when they should if they aren’t naturally doing it isn’t always easy but here are my best tips: watch wake windows for the appropriate age (10-30 minutes for 1 month), swaddle tight, binky if they will take one (I didn’t try until after two weeks bc of nipple confusion fears), white noise, dark room (even for naps, use these if needed), appropriate temp of room (68-72), the newborn jiggle (watch Harvey Karp 5 S’s videos), try putting baby down right before they are asleep so they can begin to learn to put themselves to sleep and also won’t rely on all things mommy to fall asleep.
• Ask doctor any and all the questions you want. There is none that are off limits, and you are more than normal to worry about all the little grunts and things and if baby is doing well. You go to see the doctor alot in the first month so take questions when you have them so you can feel reassured.
• If you are vaccinating (and we did and I’m not trying to start a debate here on that), get ready for the shots that are to come this month and the coming months. They can be so sad for your baby and how they react, so my tip is to whether you are breastfeeding or bottle feeding, be ready to go immediately after they get it (like really seconds after) to help soothe them. I always told the nurse that I was going to feed right afterwards so she could be prepared and pass baby off to me right away. I also always asked how many she was getting and made sure she did them back to back to get them over with so I could soothe baby afterwards.
• Stay hydrated, stay fed. It’s important for you and your milk supply. For some other things I bought in the first month check this post.
• If baby is fussy when you are changing their diaper or getting into pj’s after the bath on the changing pad put on the white noise machine – its a game changer.

 

MONTH 2

The second month was better. Since I had started the idea of a schedule that started to get easier and baby started to understand the rhythm (though again, it still was never perfect). I also was not waddling around in pain and at this point my breastfeeding was getting easier and more normal (which again I’ll go back into more detail in another post).

SCHEDULE & FEEDINGS

The schedule stayed mostly the same as above except for two things 1) the day now started at 7AM instead of putting baby right back down until 9AM so the next feeding wasn’t until 10AM 2) Bath and bedtime routine are pushed up a half hour earlier so all starting at 8PM and bedtime by 9PM. Again because of the later bath and bedtime it was still a little bit tough to do things in the evening to take care of myself (eat, shower, etc) so extra help is still very welcome.

Baby slept about the same with naps not really being consistent with the duration or where she slept successfully. I know that sounds really hopeless if you’re in it, but just keep at the foundational aspects and it will get easier and help you later. And try for the bassinet and holding to balance it out and get the snuggles you deserve and the time away to breath.  Just have grace for yourself and the baby and know it’s all ok if they aren’t happening and aren’t perfect.

Feeding stayed the same during the day, every three hours, feeding was around 4-6 ounces though since P was such a peanut it was closer to 4.

Night sleep got easier with feeding still staying about 3 hours through the night, but me learning how to not stimulate her too much during the middle of the night feedings so she would go back down easily afterwards. By stimulating I mean keeping the diaper change to the middle of the feeding so she could get cozy by the end again, having lights low (if on at all), and not having much else going on (just enough to keep her awake and eating well). There were a few nights in the second month where she slept longer stretches and dropped the midnight feed (going from around 9AM to around 3AM which felt glorious), but this wasn’t consistent at all. Still sleeping with the usual suspects – swaddled tight, dark room, binky, white noise, bassinet next to bed (though sometimes for naps in the mamaroo or dockatot), getting her tired and cozy and putting her down right before she’s fully asleep.

MILESTONES

• First Holiday: We celebrated baby’s first Halloween, she was a “Deaddy’s Ghoul” which means we found a halloween onesie and put her in it.
• Baby’s First Laugh/Smile for a Reason: I made all the crazy faces/noises and finally found one that elicited a consistent coo laugh/smile from babygirl which was amazing.
• We moved home: if you follow my instagram you know what late in my pregnancy we moved out of our house and into my parent’s for some renovations that were supposed to be done before baby. Welp – good old contractors and their timing. But we love our house and appreciate being home even more now and having our own space and finally setting up the nursery was so so sweet.
• More tummy time: since this is super important at this phase we got a lot more of it in on her activity mat

SPEED BUMPS

• Gas/fussiness: We noticed some more of this at this phase and felt super helpless until we got some gripe water and tried it out and it helped SO MUCH! We started giving it to her as directed on the bottle when she seemed uncomfortable and at night before her bedtime feeding which seemed to help her sleep longer at night as well. We used this AMAZING Frida Baby Medicine Paci which works so easily and I definitely recommend for giving baby medicine.
• Reflux: We also started to notice baby having some reflux at this time (she was arching her back when feeding and spitting up/having cough/choke episodes at times). To combat this we made sure to burp her really well and keep her upright for 10-20 minutes after feedings.
• Cradle Cap: Peanut had this on her head and around her eyebrow area. It’s nothing that really bothers them or is a problem really but we used this Frida baby brush for her head and this Tubby Todd ointment for her eyebrow area which helped.

FAV ITEMS FOR BABY

• Bouncy Chair – used this for something different and to keep her upright after a feeding without holding her (for making my morning breakfast/coffee, getting other things done)
• Activity Mat – really got use out of this now that we did more tummy time and she was more into the hanging things
• Uppababy Stroller – now that we were back in our house and neighborhood and baby was older (and now that I was able to move more) we started to go on more walks which was great to get me out of the house and get some minimal movement. Really love our stroller and we used both the carseat and the bassinet attachment for our walks. And taking it with us it’s very easy to pack up, has a HUGE basket underneath for storage (I use it while grocery shopping it’s that good), and I like the push of it.

BEST TIPS

• Relax into this phase, you. and baby know each other better now and understand each other better so it can be a really sweet time.
• Start to establish a bedtime routine you both can enjoy. We do bath, changing pjs, feeding, swaddling and bed. Some people add in a book but we found baby faded quickly so we never had the baby patient enough for this.
• Baby still sleeps a pretty good amount at this time, enjoy it.
• Keep giving yourself and baby grace, you still can strive for some consistency but it’s still kinda hard, just do the things that will set good foundations for both of you.

 

MONTH 3

SCHEDULE & FEEDINGS

Again, schedule stayed mostly the same during the day with the exception that the bath/bedtime routine pushes up to start at 6:30PM now instead of 8PM. P’s last nap was 5:30PM but only for an hour at the most and then we started the bath/bedtime routine which usually landed her in bed by 7:15-7:30. This worked really well for us because it seemed to start to give us some time in the evening to have dinner and relax before I would have to feed her again and before we went to bed.

Naps started to get better at this time (as far as her consistently taking them) but they ranged anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours – which is frustrating but totally normal. If she woke up after 20 minutes or even 45 I would give her a few minutes to see if she could go back out on her own, when she didn’t I would try to soothe her to get her back out (put in Paci, rock gently) and if that didn’t work, she was up and we kept on with our day watching the wake window (which now expanded to about an hour to an hour and a half) to cue our next nap time.

Still sleeping with the other sleep props – swaddle, white noise, dark room, right temp, binky if she would take it. P didn’t start rolling over until after 3 months so we kept her in the swaddle until then (which I’ll go into in the 5 month update). She was getting REALLY good at putting herself to sleep at this point especially at night when the draw to sleep was at its highest which is a really good foundation.

She was also getting more consistent about longer stretches at night, on average going from around 7PM – 2AM or 3AM. Then from there is was kind of a wreck mostly haha. She would wake up at 5 and then again at 7 (which was wake up time anyways so it wasn’t too bad) and that was if it went well. Let me say this is just MY experience, I had friends whose babies were sleeping through the night at this point, so every baby is different. What’s important is they are eating well, gaining weight, and healthy. I used Taking Cara Babies tips to get longer stretches which started to consistently get us to 3:30AM or 4AM until the dreaded 4 month regression.

Feeds were still every three hours during the day and about 5-6 ounces.

 

MILESTONES

• Activity: during this phase baby was a lot more active and responsive to mom and dad’s crazy antics which is really fun and exciting. Also tummy time gets better and easier and again important to strengthening babies neck muscles.
• Mom and Dad’s first night out: our anniversary was during this month and we got out to dinner leaving baby with my mom for the first time being without baby. I totally trust my mom so I wasn’t concerned for Parker at all (more for my mom who is afraid of putting a baby down and watching them through the monitor). But when we got in the car and drove away, I immediately broke down into tears, and I didn’t have a reason why – just our first time away, feeling like us again for a minute, leaving baby at home – it all made me really emotional. We had a nice dinner though and I was so happy to get back home to our sweet sleeping baby who I of course missed.
• Staying over at my parent’s house: Our first night with baby staying away from home was a success bc we were majorly prepared and bc we had laid the foundation with Parker of the sleeping conditions that we were easily able to recreate so she could sleep. Things we brought that helped include:
  • Dockatot – she slept in this in her swaddle in the bed next to me bc I was comfortable with this and it was easy to travel with
  • Sound Machine
  • Monitor
  • Pump
  • Binkys
  • Swaddle
  • Diapers
  • Changing pad
  • Wipes
  • Change of clothes
  • Pjs
  • Burp cloths

SPEED BUMPS

• None – this was a pretty good month for us and we didn’t have anything really come up that was an issue – we were into a groove!

FAV ITEMS FOR BABY

• Dancing Puppy – our girl LOVED this puppy toy and watching it
• Things listed in months before mostly

BEST TIPS

• Keep working on tummy time, it’s building great muscles and starting to teach them the ideas of rolling over.
• Since baby is starting to go to bed earlier, once she’s down is the perfect time to eat. To make it easy on you, start prepping dinner before baby’s bath (I didn’t have my gas stove connected so I was forced into using my oven). I would cut veggies or prep meat/chicken for dinner while she either played on her activity mat or I had her safely on the counter in her chair and get the oven preheated. I’d put things in right before bath, do our routine and have hubby watch it/take it off if needed before she was officially down. It all worked out that we ate right after she was down and was super easy.
• Take care of yourself at night. The earlier bedtime really gives you some time to yourself – do things for you. Take a nice bath, put on a mask, watch your favorite show with your partner. And occasionally go to bed early with baby so you can get in those extras Z’s.

 

I still can’t believe the three months went by so quickly and even though they were SO tough, I would do it all over again. Motherhood is a CRAZY thing.

 

Any other tips for my mamas out there?

 

XO,

JESS